Delivery for two!

2008-03-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

For seven years I coached couples who wanted to experience the birth of their child together.

After seven years it became difficult to combine the course with my growing children, but I didn't want to waste all my experience and knowledge! So I created this website! Here, you and your partner can find information and tips about the birth process.

And just like your pregnant belly, it will continue to grow.

Have a good pregnancy!

Nicole

Does giving birth hurt?

2008-02-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Most women assume there will be pain during labor. Indeed, you seldom hear a woman say she didn't feel a thing! And those women who have 'a bit of a stomach ache' invariable end up on Oprah's couch. Nevertheless: people can say labor hurts, but are you really destined to suffer?

According to the movement called 'psychoprofylaxis' you are not. They assume giving birth doesn't have to hurt. It's just a matter of relaxation. But, even though your mental attitude does influence the labor proces profoundly, I wouldn't say it means you can have a baby without pain. I certainly never managed to!

So, as far as I'm concerned the answer to the question 'Does giving birth hurt', is a heartfelt 'yes'. But it's certainly do-able. And I'm a real crybaby. I'm shaking in my boots when I have to go to the dentist, so there you go.

There are three physichal reasons why labor is a painful proces.

Firstly becaus your uterus is made of muscle tissue, and during labor all these muscles contract, causing not surprisingly: contractions. And there's your first reason why labor can be painful.

The second cause of sensations of pain is the fact that the contractions slowly but surely open your cervix. You can compare the process with trying to shove your head through a too tight turtleneck sweater. It takes strength!

The cervix ends in your vagina, and is comparable with your mouth. Both are a circular muscle. Go on, and put your left en right index fingers in your mouth and pull it wide. Can you feel the tension? That's what happens with your cervix.

The third cause of pain is the pushing of your baby's head against your pelvis and thereby pushing literally getting on your nerves.

Does this hurt me more than you?

It's certainly hard for a (birth) partner to watch you suffer. You want to help, but you can't do anything about the pain. Many partners cite a feeling of helplessness after the birth.

My hubby and I still can't have a civilised conversation about the birth of our first child. According to him the whole birth process was as hard on him as on me, simply because he had to watch.

But that doesn't mean you can't help: your presence is worth a million. This is an event at which simply turning up is half the job. You know her, you know her innermost fears, her concerns and her expectations, and because of that your presence will have a calming effect. She's not in it alone: you're there!

One word of warning though: the wáy you're there determines how helpful your presence is. If you're standing there chewing on your nails as if it's your last meal on earth while mumbling 'Oh god, oh god, oh god, I'm sooo sorry, I'm soo sorry', your presence won't be very comforting.

Just think about a marathon: the audience is cheering the runners on during the difficult miles. It helps them keep the faith, and to hang in there. And it works the same during labor.

So be your wife's audience en applaud her!

So don't go:

but go:

Great expectations

2008-01-20T11:11:00.000-08:00

You're expecting, but what to expect?

You and your partner should think about the upcoming birth, and what you expect from it. Dó you have expectations? Maybe your mind's a complete blank. Especially with a first pregnancy many men and women find it heart to imagine the birth process. But it's sensible to think about your favorite scenario, your wishes if you wish. For example: do you want to have a home birth of do you prefer the hospital? Are there people you would like to be present during the birth? Any thoughts about atmosphere? Some can see it clearly: being in labor with soft candlelight and the music of dolphins.

What do you expect from your birth partner?

Know what you expect from your birth partner. Do you expect him to stick to you like glue and hold your hand the whole time? Or is it fine for him to watch the football on tv? It's good to know these things to prevent disappointments and flaring tempers.

Birth partner: what do you expect?

How do you picture yourself during the delivery? What are you willing and able to do, and what do you definitely not want to do? For example: would you like to hold the baby when he's nog cleaned up yet?

Would you want to cut the umbilical cord? I once had a male student who said he would definitely not cut the cord, but when the time came he got ambushed by the mifwife and cut it anyway. After which he had to go outside or faint.

How do you see your role: will you be a coach, a spectator, a photographer, a Jack of all trades?

And what do you expect from your wife? Do you think she'll lét you help her?

To help you form an image of your wife during labor think about what she's like now, when she's in pain. Does she retreat into herself and go all quiet? Or does she moan and complain? Does she take it out on you?

Assignment:

Take a pen and paper en write your expectations down, each of you. Write down what you expect from the birth process, from yourself and from your partner. No peeking! After you're both done, sit down and discuss each others expectations, so when the time comes you won't be suprised.

Expect the unexpected

Although it's wise to think about your expectations and wishes for the birth, alway keep in mind labor is unpredictable. It's very important to keep your mind wide open, so you don't get disaspointed when things don't go as you had hoped. When for example your romantic water birth with candlelight ends in an emergency c-section under bright neon lights.

Because medical care has improved so much, labor has become a goal in itself. Before you were happy when you and your baby survived the birth. Now giving birth has become something to show people what you're made of.

So if your labor turns into a marathon, and ends with an epiostomy, vacuum extraction and ultimately an emergency c-section, think back to the original goal: a baby!

That doesn't mean you can't cry! It gives your birth partner the opportunity to comfort you once more.

What nót to do when you're birth partner!

2007-12-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

Do no ask her where to find things!

Make sure you know where to find the hot water bottles, insurance papers, car keys, birth plan etc.

Do not talk when she has a contraction

When your wife is having a contraction she'll need to concentrate. Your babbling about your work, or the football game will distract and annoy her.

Do not argue: 'Yes, but...'

You may be talking about the delivery and your hopes and dreams about the birth. Maybe you've agreed to play dolphin music throughout the whole process. It's entirely possible your wife suddenly can not stand the dolphins anymore. Remember: this is not the time to argue with her. Just go with the flow, and throw the dolphins out!

Don't be offended

Labor is hard work, and because she'll be in pain she might not be as friendly als usual. Do not take it personally! So don't leave the house in a huff, when she tells you to buzz off. Leave the room, but stay close by. You never know: she may need you again.

Don't say: 'It's not so bad!'

Especially in hospital it happens that medical personnel and the birth partner look more at the ctg-machine than the woman in labor. The ctg-machine registers your baby's heartbeat and the strength of the contractions. Nothing is so disheartening whebn you've just gritted your teeth through an especially hard contraction and have someone say: 'That wasn't too bad!'

Don't say 'You're almost there!' when she clearly isn't

It's tempting to claim she's making a lot of progress to encourage your wife. But only do this, when you know it's true. What you could do is help her tackle the labor one contraction at a time. For example you could say: 'After three more contractions we'll change positions', or 'After this contraction I'll rub your back. This will give her something to hold on to, and a feeling of progress.

Do no eat garlic of spicy, smelly food

Imagine this: your wife has lost her breathing rythm, and you are going to help her by breathing with her. You position yourself in front of her and you blow your smelly garlicky breath right into her nose. Believe me, she won't be happy. So be wise in your choice of foods.